Starting out....

Middle aged mum of 2 (MF10 and DM6), home edding for 10 years so far. I thought I would start up a blog to feel a bit more visible in my world, and to push myself into action.

I love that my children can find what they really love to do in their lives, without having to keep doing loads of the stuff they so obviously don't enjoy having tried it out.

I love that I get to plan my own timetable for the week without having to go through the politics and admin of working for a boss.

I love that LOML goes out to work so that I can stay at home with the children, going through the politics and admin BS for us although he'd rather be in the woods making stuff (www.daveswoodlandchair.blogspot.co.uk) or at home himself building with the children.I love that he puts up with my slovenly ways despite my being at home so much (what do I do with the time, I wonder myself often!)

After 10 years at home I feel I've become somewhat stagnant and less knowledgeable and motivated about what I would really like to be doing for myself. The lack of earning money, coupled with "oh" blank response when telling people that I home educate and look after my children - and don't go out to work for a wage - is starting to make me feel pretty invisible in a way that maybe reaching middle-age as a woman does anyway (maybe that's all it is hey?!).

I love being crafty and making things, but find the lack of having my own space to do it in, and therefore being able to leave it out ready for the next day, hinders my oomph to start. In my previous pre-children life, I was a social worker and did therapeutic work with children/young adults, and really enjoyed that too, so would like to incorporate that into any future working life as well. Reading "How to Find Fulfilling Work: The School of Life" (www.theschooloflife.com) has got me re-assessing whether I can actually do some of both of these things and find more fulfilment.

I hate to feel a sense of not being so worthwhile because I have an unpaid career, as I strongly believe that being at home with the children is an invaluable job. I resent my feeling that, if I said I was a childminder/nanny for someone else's children to people, I'd get a different reaction/interest level than saying I look after my own children. I also resent myself for not feeling stronger about all this rubbish, as I think my friends who home ed their children are amazing in what they do, I just struggle to apply it to myself with quite the same verve.

I'm hoping that by putting myself out there with a blog I will motivate/pressure myself into action and stop procrastinating on and on and on, which is how I feel I'm becoming.

I hope to blog my creative exploits, and to track down training and then paid work which I'll love. I'll keep myself posted....